From Donna's Desk

Visitors to our department are not commonly lassoed with caution tape, so today I tried for a mulligan.

“Mr. Conway, I feel like we should start over.”

It was an invitation. A lifeline. A small door marked “Try Again, Sir.”

He didn’t take it.

“Missy, your feelings are not my concern.”

And there it was—the thesis statement of an entire career’s worth of microaggressions.

I’ve heard versions of it my whole working life:

• “Don’t be emotional.”
  
  
• “Let’s keep feelings out of it.”
  
  
• “It’s just business.”
  
  

Strangely, no one says that when a man pounds the table, raises his voice, or storms out of a meeting. That’s “passion.” That’s “leadership presence.”

When women speak clearly about harm? Suddenly it’s “feelings,” and those are best left in the parking lot.

So I did something younger-me would not have done.

I didn’t shrink. I didn’t laugh it off. I didn’t decide to “pick my battles” and add this to the private museum of Things I’ll Be Annoyed About at 3:00 A.M.

I just said, evenly:
“Misogyny is not welcome here, Mr. Conway.”

Now here’s the part they don’t teach you in leadership seminars.

When you name a thing directly, people who have never been corrected before tend to… glitch.

He blinked. He frowned. I watched his internal error message load. Then he said, with relief, “Good. I only eat American.”

Apparently he thought misogyny was a foreign dish.

On one hand: insulting, ridiculous, and profoundly telling.

On the other: a perfect accidental metaphor.

Because that’s how it works, doesn’t it? The word misogyny feels “foreign” to people who grew up treating it as the local house dressing. Familiar, normal, always on the table.

Why name it? Why change it? Why listen to the woman across from you when you could just… reframe it as her feelings?

Here’s what I know after decades of managing teams, deadlines, and other people’s comfort:

Feelings are already at work.

They’re there when someone gets talked over in a meeting for the third time.
They’re there when a good idea is ignored until a louder/deeper voice repeats it.
They’re there when you’re called “Missy” instead of “Donna,” or “Kiddo” instead of “Manager,” or “Honey” instead of your actual name.

We don’t keep feelings out of the office by refusing to acknowledge them. We just keep accountability out.

So today I drew a line. Not with a speech, not with a TED-ready moment, just a simple sentence:

“Misogyny is not welcome here.”

If you’ve ever been told your feelings “aren’t a concern” at work, here’s your reminder from one middle manager to another:

Your feelings are data.
Your boundaries are not overreactions.
And “not welcome here” is a perfectly valid leadership sentence.

We’re not being emotional.
We’re being clear.

Donna

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